ON FINDING AND KEEPING MOTIVATION
For me, my impetus to get up off the couch (the literal and proverbial couch) was pretty simple: fear. In type 2 diabetes, I finally found something to fear more than the gym. But that lightning bolt will be different for everyone. I am asked a lot by active people for advice about how to get their sedentary friends, family or loved ones off the couch, especially when said friends, family or loved ones suffer from diabetes or other similar diseases that can be controlled or improved with exercise. Since I did it, they think maybe I have the magic solution to the very basic problem of motivation.
I wish I had a silver bullet solution to this very important question: how do active people encourage sedentary people to get off the couch and save their own lives. But the truth is, no one is ready until they are ready. For me, I had many, many early warnings that I ignored. I had pre-diabetes, obesity of gradual but increasing severity and constant warnings about very bad genes in my family. I made many, many furtive and temporary attempts at fitness but nothing lasted.
I had many people in my life cajoling, encouraging and even pleading with me, but I was pretty stuck. I was very unhappy being sedentary, fat and unfit. And, at the time, I did not see a realistic way to change my life. I felt it was hopeless. So what changed for me? Well, when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes with a blood glucose level of 517 mg/dL and an A1c of 13.7%, I heard the alarm bell ring loudly. The situation seemed so dire, and the short term consequences so severe, that I felt I had no choice.
But, even though you can’t force someone to be ready to get off the couch, I do have some concrete recommendations of what to do when someone you love has made that tentative, initial decision to be active. Here are four things you can do to encourage someone who wants to make a change to become active and to stick with it:
1) Let them know that they won’t be made fun of and that athletes will admire their resolve to change their life: mockery was my number one fear. I was astonished at how much support, encouragement and even admiration I received from athletes who somehow knew how hard it was for me to try. The cheers I got for finishing dead last in races were louder than the cheers for the people in the middle of the pack. That matters. Somehow, accomplished athletes know how much harder it is for a formerly sedentary person to run a sub-30 minute 5k (which I was finally able to do this June) than it is for the accomplished athlete to run a sub-20 minute 5k. Running a 5k in under 20 minutes is a big accomplishment, but it is a stage in the evolution of an athlete’s progress. For a sedentary person to stay active long enough and consistently enough to run 5k in under 30 minutes is a demonstration of commitment to change one’s life. Athletes recognize it as such.
2) Help them find a community: by far the biggest factor in my success this time – and what differentiated this time from all the other times – is that I found a sense of community and had so much help and support. My trainer Jim, my coach Kelly, my run class instructor Meghan, the folks at the bike shop, the folks in my run class, my sports massage therapist Adrienne (yes, I got one of those when the training load got too intense!) . . . . everyone seemed to want to see me succeed. That made a huge difference to me. So if you have someone you love that wants to become active, take an interest in their success. Take them to a weekly ride. Go with them to the gym. Help them find a trainer who knows how to meet them where they are. Help them find a community of fit people who want them to succeed.
3) If you can, buy little things to support their new lifestyle. Getting off the couch can be expensive, especially if you go the triathlon route. Imagine having to buy everything essential all at once… running shoes (proper ones), a gym membership and/ or a pool membership, wicking clothes (socks, shorts, shirts), winter gear. But it’s not about the money. In the back of our minds is how foolish we will feel if we quit. It feels good to have someone believe in you enough to spend money on you. And it doesn’t need to be a lot of money. Even a pair of good socks is a huge show of support.
4) Believe in them and tell them that you believe in them. Especially at the start when they do not yet believe in themselves. Tell them that they are worth it. Tell them that they can do it. If enough people believe in them enough, then at some point they won’t need other people to say it, they will believe it for themselves. And that is when the life transformation really begins.
